If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
