i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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