Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
