You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
if only i could text you this smell
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
