I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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