She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
