im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
