i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
