I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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