Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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