How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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