I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
