I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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