I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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