Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
