I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
