Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
