there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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