just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
