DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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