I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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