We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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