she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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