We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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