I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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