just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize