omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
