She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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