drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
