i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize