Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
