bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
