You're so nebulous sometimes
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
