I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
