i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
