tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
