He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
