I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
