I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
