if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
