I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
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