Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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