Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
