now i know why i became what i already was.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
