i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
