I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
