I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
