I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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