we should wear snuggies to the strip club
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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