my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
