I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
