fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
