He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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