how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
