i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
