I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
