You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
