Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
