Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize