Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
