I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
