Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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