If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
