For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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