yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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