The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
