spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
