Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
