i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sober January is a disaster.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
