Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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