Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
